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  • Writer's pictureIndia N. Miles

Where Cry But Don't Quit Came From

Written By: India Miles

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Happy Friday everyone, watch me take everything sent to destroy me and use it to prosper God’s people. YOUR NAME IS VICTORY!!!! Cry But Don't Quit began as a moment in my life of significance that changed everything. I ended a six month relationship with my ex-fiancè who proposed to me two weeks before abandoning me in Vegas. We got delivered and born again in God together about a month into our relationship. We had two separate sets of spiritual counselors leading and counseling us in how to do things. I was his mom’s BFF initially. But as time progressed and he began to grow independently of her, her and the other strong female leads in his life — grew jealous. He told me what they said about me. Who does she think she is? She’s nothing special. She can’t even pay her rent. Did I say, who does she think she is? I got that a lot. In order to be in this family she needs to behave like this. She needs to act more like this. He relayed the messages to me in a more gentle way, but they infuriated me. Why are people like this, I thought? They read my social media posts and made me the topic of discussion in their respective circles. I continued to be me and kept on challenging the norm. I resisted conformity. Which he initially said attracted him to me, but it later became a problem in our relationship. I was being asked to change who I was and I tried to — miserably. I made a lot of business decisions because I trusted him. I trusted him with my business ideas and around my business contacts. Later, after we broke up he used them to further his career. As things intensified with his mother’s dislike for me his brother counseled him. His brother told him that he needed to decide whether or not I was worth it. We weren’t talking about marriage. We had just met and we had a lot of problems. He on the other hand was. He planned a surprise proposal, and proposed to me during church service. It was the most romantic gesture I had ever recieved. The one every girl dreams of having, and I said yes without hesitation. I thought, “LOOK AT MY GOD”. (vindicated). The friend that had come to church with me called me on the phone later and said, “India I’ve seen this before,” and told me to be careful. It’s a toxic trait with God-fearing men who profess their love in a grandiose jester only to concede later. I heard her loud and clear and prepared my heart and spirit for the disappointment. It was Labor Day weekend and he said he was going to run home after church to share the good news with his family who was in town for the holiday. I did not see him for the rest of that day nor could I get him on the phone. He stopped by my house in the evening of the next day. He told me that he made a mistake. I didn’t yell or argue with him, I got up and went into my bedroom. I reached into my top drawer and got my engagement ring out. I looked at it and as my heart sank into the back of my throat. My stomach turned but I held my pride and I gave it back to him. I told him if that’s how he felt then so be it, and kindly asked him to leave my home. He stayed. We talked. I consoled him. I encouraged him do what God told him. After our conversation he regained his strength, and he said that he was certain of what God told him to do, and that he was going to stand on that. He did not. Before all of this when I was on my way to Vegas I had a layover in Altanta. I ran into a man that I dated for a year. A happenstance encounter, “Indiana” he yelled across the Atlanta terminal. A familiar face. A kindred free spirit. It made my heart smile to see him. We had a blissful romance. When we dated I admired him and his discipline. He was poised, and cultured, bilingual and romantic and his faithfulness to God was aligned with his personal determinations. He prided himself on doing all of the romantic gestures, the opening of the car doors and the sweet-me-nots. He was just a romantic guy. Masking my insecurities, I told him that I was on my way to Vegas to meet up with my fiancé, emphasizing fiancè to sort of rub it in his face because when we were dating he would never commit to being in a relationship with me. I met his parents and he took me around everyone. We did everything together, so I didn’t get why he wouldn’t commit. I’ve later realized that when men do this they’re dating multiple people, hedging their bets. He didn’t commit because I didn’t require him to. Before we went our separate ways, he asked me, “are you happy?” I immediately said, “oh…yes…absolutely” and then we said our goodbyes. I lied to him and myself. I was miserable, gritting and bearing. I had only had one moment of happiness, the proposal, and even that was tainted with the retraction. But being a goal oriented “driven” entrepreneur I was so focused on the end goal and not mindful of my own feelings or well-being in the doing. That mindset did not serve me in the end. The entire relationship was a mirror. I was so fed up with being single and dating the “perfect guy” i.e. men who do everything right but wouldn’t commit that I felt entitled to be with someone who wanted to be in a relationship with me, and even wanted marriage. What I got was someone who didn’t have the courage to stand on their own convictions. Because that was me. I sourced what I was. I attracted it because I was it. We literally had birthdays one day apart. To everyone else I was this courageous careless brave girl who knew who I was and what I wanted. To me I was fighting to be accepted, loved, and seen. Validated, even though God had given me that validation. I teared up and fought back tears the entire flight to Vegas. Needless to mention, my former boss was on my previous flight before I ran into my old flame. My boss who hired me at 18 who I inspired to hire younger women because of my success. A boss who promoted me after a year because of my work ethic, who asked me to return to work after I quit and implemented my incentives program to motivate his managers. It was like God was asking me to remember who I was before I decided to be validated by a relationship. Before arriving in Vegas I told him to use me as the scape goat to his friends. If they asked him why he wasn’t participating in the activities that he used to participate in when he wasn’t saved, Say, oh you know…my ol’lady wont let me go to the strip club…or drink…or drugs. I thought it was a safe enough excuse to not have to go into detail about explaining the whole being recently born again and trying to distance ourselves from sin. It was not. I was convicted the entire trip and not a lot of fun to be around. Not to mention, judgy. My eyes were wide open and it was the first time I had been in a party-type environment post-deliverance. I was judging everybody and I know his friends sensed it. On the second night in Vegas his friends, whom I did not know before this trip, plotted with him to get him away from me. We arrived at a lounge and after a few minutes all the men got up and went to the bar upstairs. They texted his phone and told him to come up. He told me he’d be right back. I didn’t see him again until the next morning when he arrived at my hotel trashed. He was throwing up drunk in the trash can, in the hotel hallway, and bed. After about a hour of waiting for him to return I called my spiritual mother and told her the relationship was over. I remember saying, “he literally left me with a group of girls I don’t even know and just walked off and hasn’t come back”. She stayed on the phone with me until I returned to my hotel safely and then told me to try and get some sleep. When I got home it was just me and God, and when I laid on the floor in a prostrate position crying out ABBA, God answered. God told me that He was my husband but he had forfeited his assignment. God showed me curses and the ways he was going to vindicate me, and he gave me “CRY BUT DON’T QUIT”. The Lord said, Cry But Don’t Quit, daughter. Write your book, call it Cry But Don’t Quit, and move to Chicago. God gave me every word that I put in my first book, and I have been using it to minister to Christian women in entrepreneurship for 7 years. God says that every (7) years there will be a divine shift. Well ladies, we’re at year (7) and here we go again. *This is an excerpt from my next book: Cry But Don’t Quit Volume 2 [ TITLE UNDISCLOSED] sharing my Christian Entrepreneurship journey to success and living your best life. If you’d like to keep reading testimonies like this as I share more of my Christian Entrepreneurship journey, please subscribe online to my blog for more. I am writing the entire book publicly and then publishing the printed version for resale when I’m done. Shalom.

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