Cry But Don't Quit: In-Law Trauma

#TestimonyTuesday Two days before I got married in 2018 I was jumped by my husbands Firsts Cousin Austin Miles and his younger sister Alicia Miles — they didn’t know me and they didn’t like me. July 2019 Alicia, my husband’s youngest sister pushed me down the stairs and I wanted to press charges. My husbands father Hal senior asked for a chance to mediate the incident without me pressing charges. Only for things to escalate and Austin to punch me in the face followed by Alicia scratching and hitting me. I defended myself. Two days later my husband and I eloped to stop an all out WAR between my family and his. My mother was so worried after I showed up at her house bruised and bloody that she wanted Alicia and Austin’s head. My husband decided the best way to keep the peace was for us to go ahead and get married and become family. A year leading up to this…I avoided interactions with everyone. I later discovered that Brittany Miles, my husbands other younger sister lied to the entire family about me while we were dating and told them that I stole her deceased mothers belongings. She slandered my name and reputation. Which resulted in verbal assaults (and then later physical assaults on separate occasions) by both Alicia and Austin, and my husband being threatened to be beaten by Alicia with a baseball bat if he didn’t decide to end things with me. The family sided with Brittany, Alicia and Austin and have continued to support their actions, attending family functions and have since abandoned my husband while spreading the perception of him having a controlling manipulative wife. Kim Miles, my husbands step-mother, was treated the same way and came to me for support while my husband and I were dating. She Later — sided with them and abandoned us. Kim has since reconciled with Alicia and Brittany and served as a grandmother to Brittany’s kids. While declining an open invitation by me to have a relationship with me and or my kids. Kim Miles has not acknowledged either of my children as her grandchildren. Kim claimed Alicia and Brittany tormented her over a 11 year span before I came into the picture. She said they verbally and physically assaulted her and NO ONE in the family defended her, so I did. I told my husband’s father Hal Seniors that he was not welcome to come over and visit his grandchildren without including his wife. I offered him the option of taking the kids with him, or Kim and Him having an outing with them. All denied. The only time Hal Miles senior has seen his grandkids is when my husband takes them to see him. I’ve attempted to call/text Kim…unresponsive. Hal Miles Sr. told me to write her letter. It’s hard to feel like this was not my fault. Without understanding my own spiritual warfare it would be hard to understand how people who do beautiful things on one hand can act treat me and my husband like this. I truly don’t think they understand how painful all of this is. They expect me to be strong. But what I’ve come to understand is…this is happening everywhere and NO ONE WANTS TO TALK ABOUT IT. So, I will. I’ve spent the last 4 years of marriage and 3 years since becoming a mother dealing with this trauma privately. I’ve been in and out of therapy and dealing with PTSD anxiety, bullying, depression, and a slew of emotional health issues daily while attempting to heal myself and my marriage. Needless to say, so has my husband. He has lost his WHOLE family because he chose ME. We’ve been gaslighted and blamed. I got beat up in 2019 and I pressed charges and Hal Miles Sr. lied and told the rest of the family that I hit Austin first. Even after telling me and my husband that he wasn’t going to show up in court….Him, Van + Angie Miles, Natalie Delbridge all showed up in court prepared to testify against me. I showed up in court without my husband and six months pregnant. I was so distraught afterwards that I told my husband then that I was done with his family. But my husband internalized his feelings. He blamed himself. He felt like he didn’t call his family enough, and that his flaws justified them treating him like this. He felt like they didn’t respect him. He has religiously defended his Dad. He fell into a deep depression that lasted almost (2) years after Alicia threatened to beat him with a bat. He wasn’t rational. He was detached from reality. He wouldn’t work. He buried himself in his music and his video games and avoided the conversations, and there were MANY. Because if this whole we were pregnant I couldn’t work and we got evicted. Neither of us could process the level of trauma and emotional turmoil we were under. Here it is we loved each other, best friends and his family was literally tearing us apart. You would’ve thought we ACTUALLY did something to them. We didn’t do anything but decide to be together, and obey God. As my pregnancy progressed I begged my husband to talk to his dad again and to ask him for his help — we put our pride aside. His father apologized to me for the hurt caused by the court case and he offered to fix up and give Hal one of his old houses as an atonement. Needless to say that’s the first thing Hal Sr. reminded me of tonight. The house that we now live in, bought him passage. Since the birth of my daughter I’VE BOSSED UP I’ve worked feverishly to forgive them while getting my money up. I’ve made smart money decisions. I’ve held my peace. I demanded the house be put solely in my name so NO ONE can put me and mine on the street. I demanded boundaries be respected for my mental health. I demanded RESULTS from myself to have a successful PROFITABLE business so I can stop being in these vulnerable positions with people who don’t understand the assignment on my life. This hurt. Especially as a mother. Warfare follows me. I know this. What you see are these beautiful pictures that I post because I want you to see the light that I carry. Not the true darkness of this journey. I’m used to failures and setbacks as an entrepreneur. But it’s THIS personal assault, to my husband and my children and those close to being treated like this that hurt me for awhile. I FOUGHT for a whole year for my healing. To stop being angry. But I say this: VICTORY. I took the past year to heal. I deny access. I stopped going to family functions. I did not stop my husband from having his relationships. Then as I healed God gave me strategy. God told me ALL of those relationships are dead. The time has passed for them to make amends. Last night I asked my husband to obey what the Lord told him to do concerning the dealings with his family. Too many people were being effected. Let’s just leave it be. He obliged and called the few members he had left and ended them, his father being the most difficult one for him. Tonight Hal’s father came by my house to tell us that he loved us and to plead his case. I told him, the relationships are over indefinitely. I have 20 years of experience with this demon of Abandonement and my husband and my kids will continue being targeted. *You do not have to have a relationship with ANYONE like this. STOP listening to people who tell you that your family should be accepted as they are. STOP entertaining relationships that the enemy uses to destroy you. STOP. And keep obeying God, Shalom. +4

All reactions: 90Karen Robinson, D Kitty Isaac-Arceneaux and 88 others